I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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