I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
