omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
