You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
