i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
