Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
