Do you still have your period?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
