too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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