So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
