Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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