perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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