i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
