It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
