Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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