i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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