she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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