smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
