About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
