i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i will never coherently bang her
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
