Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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