Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
