Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize