this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
