This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
