not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
