i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
