I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
