just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
