i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
