for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We are all done wearing pants today
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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