ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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