If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize