been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
