I love black thongs
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
