Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
