Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
