Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just invented taco cereal.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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