had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
