I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
