I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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