Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
