Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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