the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
