i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I met the friendliest cop last night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize