Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Randomize
