whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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