if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You ate ashes out of my bong
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