Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
