I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Found your dick twin last night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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