Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
be right there i have to get my cape
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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