Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
