Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
