Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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