respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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