we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
