We won't sleep together?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
