I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
