I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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