Tell her she can't have a vagina
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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