I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize