I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
