they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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