No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
