I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
