well you can't waste a boner
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
