dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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