I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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