do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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