i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
