I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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