Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
