you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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