ugly people sure do ruin things
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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