So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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